| Why Do You Bitches Keep Doing These Things? |
[Aug. 1st, 2010|03:27 pm] |
|
( Read more... ) |
|
|
| |
[Mar. 1st, 2010|04:17 pm] |
((Note: Handwriting is round and shaky, sort of like a elementary school kid's would be. Darlene's education, while she got to her freshman year in high school, is lacking highly b/c she was mostly passed along and ignored by teachers due to a learning disability. Gotta love those rural high schools.))
'Hi, my name is Darlene, and I'm an alcoholic.'
Do you know how fucking retarded I feel saying that?
Thank fuck that Paige got me in a place that thinks twelve step is retarded, though. No 'give yourself up to a higher power.' That would require me to believe in one, so HA on that one. They still like me to admit to what my 'addiction' is every day. I hate that so much.
And I hate keeping this journal, too! It's stupid!
*sigh* So, I'm supposed to write my thoughts and feelings.
Apparently it freaked out the others in my group that I started drinking at twelve. I decided to not point out that, in my neighborhood, I was kind of a late bloomer, as far as that went. Telling those guys that I was nineteen, when most of them are at LEAST in their thirties, made them coo at me and say that I 'was still a baby.' You don't live my life and stay a baby for long, sugar lips. Sort of makes me want to hurl.
The shakes are mostly gone, though. Now it's just an occasional thing instead of pretty much constant. It's actually interesting to discover that I can play without being blitzed to hell. Sounds fucking sad, but I actually didn't think I could play without at least a few beers in me. Of course, that might have been because my hands shook so bad before my morning beer (which is apparently a sign of addiction in these circles) that I couldn't light a cigarette, much less actually pluck a string properly.
Oh, and apparently I'm also dyslexic, instead of just being stupid like my teachers in school told me I was. Interesting to know. And bi-polar, but I kind of guessed that already. I'm on meds for that, and they are hooking me up with a tutor to help with the dyslexia. The shrink also suggests I try my hand at writing lyrics. Sure, why not? I've actually got a shit ton of free time in here. Other than the groups and the scheduled meals (btw, gained a few pounds since I got here, which is probably a good thing), we don't actually have much to do.
At least I didn't get sent to Utah, right? I'm thinking of calling Lexi Wilson after I get out of here. You know, two addicts bonding and such. Well, I'd say former, but I keep getting told that you're always an addict. Whatever.
I wonder if I'll turn mean like Dave Mustaine did? |
|
|
| Character Questions |
[Feb. 9th, 2010|07:51 pm] |
1. Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why? One hundred percent straight. What can I say? I like a good meat pole.
2. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? What was it like? How well did it go? I was fourteen, high off my ass on X at a rave, and went full out with some dude that I never bothered to learn the name of. It was fun.
3. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Who with, what was it like, and how did it go? Never had one. Been a little curious, but never had one.
4. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it? A threesome maybe? Sure, if the time arose, I'd give it a go.
5. What was the wildest thing you've ever done, sexually? Who was it with and when did it happen? Not get the guy's name after I was done with him. And it happens a lot, to tell the truth.
6. Is there any sexual activity that you enjoy and/or practice regularly that can be considered non-standard? (Bondage, Fantasy Play, etc.) Why do you like it? I'm really not sure. I take someone home when I want it, but I don't exactly go after it all the time, you know? Guess I still don't really know what I want.
7. Is there any sexual activity that you will not, under any circumstances, do? Um...anything with bodily functions or whatever.
8. Do you currently have a lover? What is their name, and what is your relationship like? What are they like? Why are you attracted to them? N/A
9. What is the perfect romantic date? Date? If someone buys me a decent dinner, I'm happy.
10. Describe the perfect romantic partner for you. Not an asshole, doesn't hit me, doesn't scream at me. Really, I'm not hugely picky. Being a rock singer wouldn't suck, either.
11. Do you ever want to get married and have children? When do you see this happening? Ha! Not really.
12. What is more important - sex or intimacy? Why? *shrugs* I don't know, honestly. Tell you when I figure it out.
13. What was your most recent relationship like? Who was it with? (Does not need to be sexual, merely romantic.) I sound like something fucked up, but most of my 'relationships' don't go past more than a couple of nights. Probably have intimacy issues or something like that.
14. What's the worst thing you've done to someone you loved? Refused to tell them that I cared about them out of fear they would reject me. |
|
|
| |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|06:49 pm] |
Childhood Questions
1. What is your first memory? My mother bringing some asshole home for the night and him throwing a beer bottle at me.
2. What was your favorite toy? Some dimestore barbie doll.
3. What was your favorite game? Tag, b/c I used to tackle people when I tagged them.
4. Any non-family member adults stick out in your mind? Who were they, and how did you know them? Why do they stick out? Teachers who pitied me, counselors who tried to help but couldn't, and Mom's boyfriends who usually ignored me or treated me like crap. Only one was decent to me, and Mom kicked him out.
5. Who was your best friend when you were growing up? Ugh. The two people who left my band. Let's not go there. That still hurts.
6. What is your fondest, childhood memory? Being away from home. My mom's BF giving me a guitar.
7. What is your worst childhood memory? Pretty much the rest of it.
Adolescent Questions
1. How old were you when you went on your first date? I suppose I've never been on what anyone would consider a 'real' date. However, been to plenty of parties, and left with plenty of guys. Works for me.
2. It is common for one's view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? Fuck authority. My mother sucked as an authority figure, and I learned that around, oh, the age of two?
3. What were you like in high school? What "clique" did you best fit in with? For what little of high school I was there for, I hung with burnouts.
4. What were your high school goals? What goals?
5. Who was your idol when you were growing up? Who did you first fantasize about in your life? I first fantasized about my biology teacher in the ninth grade. What, he was hot! Wonder what he's up to, actually...*gets distracted thinking of hot, older man ass* Wasn't really much on idols. Dave Mustaine is the closest I had to one.
6. What is your favorite memory from adolescence? Running away to LA.
7. What is your worst memory from adolescence? The parts before running away. |
|
|
| Character Questions |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|06:39 pm] |
1. What type of places do you hang out in with your friends? Usually at a bar or at the house me, Dave, and Jim live in.
2. What type of places do you hang out in alone? I'm rarely alone, honestly. Probably for my own good. There's a tree in our neighborhood that I climb into above a quarry when I really want to be alone, though.
3. What annoys you more than anything else? People who get in my face.
4. What would be the perfect gift for you? Um...rent money?
5. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? A free meal.
6. What time of day is your favorite? Whenever I'm asleep.
7. What kind of weather is your favorite? Non-shitty weather? I don't know.
8. What is your favorite food? What is your least favorite food? Can't be picky about food. As long as it's not rotting, I'll eat it.
9. What is your favorite drink? Beer, bitches.
10. What's your favorite animal? Why? I'm a dog fan, personally.
11. Do you have any pets? Do you want any pets? What kind? I'd like a pet, honestly, but I can't keep rocks alive, much less pets.
12. What do you find most relaxing? Sipping a beer with Dave, Jim, and Paige, just shooting the shit.
13. What habit that others have annoys you most? People rag on me a lot. I don't know why. They think I'm loud and shit.
14. What kind of things embarrass you? Why? You gotta have pride to get embarrassed.
15. What don't you like about yourself? I'm skinnier than I should be, my hands shake when I don't drink, I'm too angry...I've got a lot of shit that needs working on.
16. How would you like to look? Clean and not dressed in Goodwill rejects would suffice. |
|
|
| Survey Shit |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|01:35 pm] |
|
( Survey ) |
|
|
| Character Questions |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|12:49 pm] |
1. What hobbies do you have? Hobbies? *laughs* Hobbies require fucking money. Suppose I could earn money by fucking, though.
2. Who is your closest friend? Describe them and how you relate to them. Ugh, at this point, probably Dave by default. No offense against him or anything.
3. Who is your worst enemy? Describe them and why you don't get along. Still super pissed at my FORMER two best friends.
4. What bands do you like? Do you even pay attention? There's honestly not much that I don't like, but my favs are Metallica and Megadeth.
5. What tape or CD hasn't left your player since your purchased it? Why? Purchased? Ha!
6. What song is "your song?" Why? "All Fucked Up" by Everclear
7. What's been your favorite movie of all time? 'The Godfather' is always fun to watch.
8. Read any good books? What were they? I can't even remember the last thing I read.
9. What do you watch on the Television? Whatever's on at 3 a.m., so usually infomercials.
10. When it comes to mundane politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don't you care? Like I have time or patience to care about that shit. |
|
|
| 10 Things I Want to Change in My Life |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|03:05 pm] |
1.) Being so goddamn broke. I sometimes forgo food for beer. Probably not a sane thing, but it's true.
2.) My two best friends being fucking retards. Well, my former two best friends. Sort of burned that bridge.
3.) My mother being the fucking stupid bitch that she is.
4.) Being so goddamn crazy. Life might be a little better if I were normal.
5.) Living in a rat trap. It ain't pretty.
6.) Sometimes I wish my lead singer and I weren't in the same band. Not anything against him, but I can't fool around with someone I'm in a band with. Not after the last blow up.
7.) My deadbeat father running off. Life might have been simpler if he had stuck it out. Then again, could have been a lot worse.
8.) I wish my hands didn't shake when I didn't drink.
9.) Wouldn't suck to have a few more sets of clothes.
10.) Or a working stove. I live out of a fucking microwave when I bother to eat! |
|
|
| Character Questions |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|02:53 pm] |
1. What would your character kill for? What would they die for? She'd kill for a good drink. She'd die for a break in the music biz.
2. What would they refuse to do under any circumstances? Why? Go home again. She hates her mother with a passion, and now hates the two friends she ever had there.
3. What do they dream about? Making it big.
4. What’s their biggest fear? Dying unknown.
5. What single object would they be most hard pressed to part with? Why? Her guitar. Only possession given to her by someone else.
6. What is their fondest memory? Drinking with her few friends.
7. What is their worst memory? Waking up to see her two best friends basically destroying their band.
8. What or who was were their most significant influence? Expound. The closest thing she had to an influence was her mother, who made her want to flee her town and not be anything like her. Does that count?
9. What do they believe makes a successful life? Living the rock and roll dream.
10. What makes them laugh? Anything when she's drunk.
11. What are their religious views? That god is a sadistic bastard.
12. What is their greatest strength? Her resilience and drive. Nothing will stop her from making her dream come true.
13. Do they have a fatal flaw? If so, what is it? She has several. She has a nasty tempter with a short fuse, she's a severe alcoholic at the tender age of 19, and is bi-polar. Take your pick.
14. Who is the most important person in their life? Now? Probably the lead singer of the remains of her band. He's about the only person she'll talk to honestly, and was the one who talked her from throwing herself head first off of a cliff recently.
15. If they died, who would miss them most? How would they die? Her only two friends would miss her the most (at all), and she'd more than likely die of alcohol poisoning or suicide. |
|
|
| 10 Things That No One Else Knows About Me |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|08:24 pm] |
1.) My real last name is Sauer. I changed it last year to Southland because I didn't want to have any more association with the bitch of a woman I left behind who calls herself my mother.
2.) My mother's been married six times...that I know of.
3.) Her last soon to be husband kept giving me funny looks, and that's what made me finally run off from home.
4.) I don't know my father. Never met the guy.
5.) I sort of have a crush on my band's lead singer, but I'd never fuck up band dynamics by doing anything about it.
6.) If I'm sober for too long, my hands shake so bad that I can barely function, much less do anything like play guitar.
7.) I have a tattoo of an apple on my ass. Yeah, I have lots of tattoos, but that's one that doesn't get seen very often.
8.) My father is in LA, but even I don't know that.
9.) I'm an alcoholic, but everyone knows about that.
10.) I'm insane, but everyone knows that, too! |
|
|
| Character Questions |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|08:13 pm] |
1. What is your real, birth name? What name do you use? Any nicknames? If so, where did you get it? Birth name is Darlene Dixie Sauer. (I assume my mother was drunk at the time.) I had my named legally changed to Darlene Southland last year. A lot of fucking money that I really didn't have to blow, but I wanted to make a point.
2. How do you dress most of the time? In whatever's clean enough to not freak the mundanes.
3. How do you "dress up" and "dress down?" I have other ways of dressing? I have five shirts and two pairs of jeans, plus a pair of boxers to sleep in. That's IT.
4. What do you wear when you go to sleep? Boxers and t-shirt. I live in a house with guys. Can't run around naked.
5. Do you wear any jewelry? Luxury that I don't have.
6. In your opinion, what is your best feature? The hair I occasionally spend money on to color?
7. What's your real birth date? July 13th.
8. Where do you live? Describe it: Is it messy, neat, avant-garde, sparse, etc.? A rat hole of a home that has three bedrooms, a bathroom, and a living room/kitchen. It's usually covered in beer bottles and other random shit. We're not exactly known for our cleanliness.
9. Do you own a car? Describe it. Car? Ha! The rhythm guitarist who just fucked off on us took off with the van we all shared.
10. What is your most prized mundane possession? Why do you value it so much? My guitar. The only person who was nice to me as a kid left it for me when he moved out of the whore of a mother's house that I have.
11. What one word best describes you? Uh...alcoholic? |
|
|
| Family |
[Oct. 31st, 2009|08:00 pm] |
1. What was your family like? Family? *laughs* What family?
2. Who was your father, and what was he like? Franklin. A man who knocked the bitch who birthed me up and took off. So much for romance. All I got left with was a last name and a few pictures.
3. Who was your mother, and what was she like? Angie. Married six times last I checked, and barely did more than keep some food in the house so that I wouldn't starve. Not exactly 'mom' material.
4. What was your parents marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? I really don't even know my sperm donor. I'm willing to bet that it was a two week stand. Not the stuff romance novels are made of.
5. What were your siblings names? What were they like? As far as I know, I'm the only one. I haven't' talked to my mother in four years, and my dad...well, never.
6. What's the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you? What's the worst thing you've done to one of your siblings? See above.
7. When's the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? Four years ago. I hope the bitch is rotting in hell, but I'm not usually that lucky.
8. Did you ever meet any other family members? Who were they? What did you think of them? I'm lucky to be spared that disaster. |
|
|